I wonder if she felt it like a punch in the stomach? Like a slap of I just don't need you anymore? Like an insult?
I was desperate to be grown-up. To wear a bra and use deoderant. I didn't have time for an extra syllable - I was too busy pretending to be an adult in her old brown high heel shoes.
I tried it on for size and I liked it. "Mom." Did it break her into pieces? Seeing her baby shuck off baby?
"I'm sorry, I don't know who you're talking to. My name is Mommy."
He just rolls his eyes. Whatever. "Ten I have a tookie, Mom?"
And a little bit of blue falls out of the sky and floats an Eeyore cloud over my head. I am desperate to stunt his maturity and keep him cast as the toddler who mumbles out of the side of his mouth and can't make a "K"sound. But he's miles away...running full tilt towards a full time job as an astronaut on the moon - as far away from Mommy as he can get.
"I yuv you, Mommy." Noa tucks against my hip, squeezing me with a grunt. "So much!" And I soak it up because I'm parched.
"Will you always call me Mommy, Noa?"
So, at least I have that. For a few more seasons.