Wednesday, August 14, 2013

My Liam-Shaped Hole

He's really just a baby, isn't he?  This small ball of terror, ripped through with muscles that came from nowhere and eyes that spark vile or glory depending on the moment...just a baby.  Too young to flit from my nest and rest his head on the top bunk of an all boys adventure camp for a whole terrifying week.

This is old hat for that eldest.  He's all 'whatever mom, see you when I see you'.  But Liam, oh that piece of me that smells like old socks and mud puddles and puppy dog tails - I miss him.  Desperately.  Like I'm incomplete.  Like I have a Liam-shaped-hole in my soul and it aches through my heart.

And I was SO looking forward to the break.  To the slowing of the laundry pile and the absence of complaining over dinner, a week without Playstation controllers on the floor and a hundred cups left around the house and time to just love on that little daughter of mine, freed from the pressure of boys and their crazy... 

And he's reigning down his Liam-version-chaos over there with bows and arrows and rope swings over the pond and I want that chaos right here beside me, driving me up the walls and exasperating me to the point of all get-out and drowning me in a swelling dam of love-mayhem and I think maybe I'm totally and completely C.R.A.Z.Y. because I know that the moment he's home I might wish him right back to camp again...

But the truth is this: no one loves like he loves and I never want to be far from it and I write all this to remember in the midst of the crazy just how dull my world would be without his fire.

4 comments :

  1. love this perspective. I always do the happy dance when i get the house to myself, which NEVER happens, but when it does, I dance. However, usually after an encore, I look around, and begin to miss the chaos and pace until it returns.

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  2. I know! It's the strangest thing...really brings into perspective what is important and how 'you don't know what you've got til it's gone'

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  3. That brought me to tears. Very beautiful

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