Sunday, November 3, 2013

Dear Food Hoarding, Stockpile Obsessive, Crazy Person

Let me begin by saying that I have huge respect for you and your frugality.  Your dedication to a great deal is commendable and your diligence in combing the fliers and tracking down the best sale is nothing short of over-the-moon insane amazing.  I have two sisters who are wildly dedicated to such endeavours and I happily cheer them on and often reap the benefits of their clever shopping.  I enjoy saving a dollar as much as the next person and I celebrate your shrewd coupon slight-of-hand right along with you.   

But you are not the only person in this town who needs to eat.

And there's no way in hades that you're going to use 362 cans of Campbell's Condensed Soup in the next seven years. 

Sure, 50¢ is a great price.  Sure, a sale is the time to stock up.  Sure, your hoard looks better with one
hundred cans lined up with their labels perfectly symmetrical.  Sure, you're thinking of your family and the impending zombie apocalypse and how you'll survive very nicely in that shed your husband built in the back yard to hold your accumulated goods...you've got an electric can opener in there, don't you, you animal?!

It occurs to me that I may be being a little unfair.  I mean, kudos to you - you got it while it was hot.  Joke's on me - I got there when the trail was cold.  But do you even think about me when you're loading that third cart?  Did you even know that the store manager watched you groan your way out and then slapped a 'Limit 6 Per Customer' sign on the shelf - and that's not six per kind, that's six in total.


The poor check-out girl, she was all apologetic and told me all about you and how another truck wasn't coming until Monday and they just had to make sure there was enough for everyone and I said, "Don't worry, it's not your fault at all.  I'll take six."  And six is enough - even though I wanted 10 - six is enough.
NaBloPoMo November 2013
Day 3

All I'm asking is that you recognize that a store's content is finite.  That you are not the only person in the world.  That you are wise to plan ahead but wiser to think of others...Of course, if you were immediately taking that truck load of cans to the Salvation Army I will happily stick my foot in my mouth and chew on it until you feel good and appeased...if not, just know that at the first sign of a zombie, I'll be pounding on your door.

10 comments :

  1. This is funny on so many different levels. I have often thought that if the end of the world comes...those that stock up are going to be the first ones murdered. Then their stock piles will be plundered and their shed out back will be burnt to the ground.

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    1. Oh my goodness! I bet you're right...and they think they're so smart... ;)

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  2. I've worked as a cashier at one of our local extreme-couponer's favorite hotspots. I can so get behind every word of this post! :)

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    1. It must be so hard to be patient and maintain that 'customer is always right' smile. Thanks for stopping by and commenting!

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  3. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

    I love you Alanna.

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  4. Buying 362 cans of soup is insane... At 50cents a can is 181$.....

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    1. but it's saving something like $224...and surviving the zombie apocalypse really is priceless ;)

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    2. Yes, but like you said, if they aren't going to use it for feeding the homeless or putting in the food bank, then simply, it's selfish. I might buy 20 or 30 if I am financially tight, but I would do that in 2 trips.

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  5. I am SO with Emily on this one... BWAHAHAHA! I love you to pieces.

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    1. It's good to be supported in annoyances ;)

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