The Holiday Letdown

I have been on holidays. Have you missed me? I hope so. Being missed affirms me as having a place in the world - like by being looked for I'm somehow more human - like I'm vital - like it matters, these moment I share here with anyone who cares enough to read them.

On Tuesday I return to the real world. This weighs me down with a heaviness that affirms my dream to pursue the things I actually care about. It feels something like grief - this knowledge that in two sleeps I will drive that boring highway drive and unlock the office that's now dusty after three weeks absence. I will be happy to see the faces of friends who make office days bearable {you know who you are} but beyond that I don't really find things there that feed my happiness and sustain my spirit.

Three weeks. That's a long time to fill with things that fuel my passions and it was entirely what I needed - to find myself again, to reconnect with children who so often go overlooked when I'm weighed down with worldly weights - to enjoy this home of ours as more than a place to dump my weary body at the end of a busy day.

Last year I vacationed all wrong. I spread out my holidays. I didn't take a big chunk. I think I was still paying for it.

It's important to disconnect so that you can reconnect.

And the time I've had - it's been wonderful and full of stories that I was too busy living to take the time to tell...perhaps I still will as routine settles around me again...I don't know.

Today is only the second time I've opened my laptop since leaving work 23 days ago. I couldn't bare the thought of it - staring at a screen while nature stared at me. No, I've spent my writing time with old fashioned pen and paper on the deck, in the hammock, at our campsite, under the front yard arbor...I'm pleased with the progress I've made on my manuscript and have come up with a plan to finally get things ready for my first batch of beta readers and I'm excited to see where I am with it after nine months of work.

But now reality looms heavy and it seems the universe is set to reminding me that life can't be a continuing story of beautiful dreams and lazy breezes - sometimes you have to wake up and smell the dead thing in your ceiling.

Yeah - you read that right. 

Remember a few years ago when I was a one-woman-rat-killing-brigade? We came home from a week of camping to a death stench that stung our nostrils. 

And who had to take care of it? 

Yeah.

And that tub left up on the deck. The one that held cans of pop during our party. The one that filled with water during the torrential rain last Sunday. The one that a poor, fat, unfortunate squirrel drowned in.

Who had to take care of it?

Yeah.

And the kid. That kid without a helmet who darted out on his bike at the exact moment I was pulling into the Walmart parking lot. The kid who wasn't looking who is now thanking his lucky stars that I was and that the only thing mangled is his front tire. 

Who had to deal with that?

Yeah.

Real World,

     You suck!

Holidays,

     Come back!

I am beyond grateful for the break I was given and I hope there are no more horrendous surprises waiting for me as I ease back into normal responsibilities but the taste of freedom still lingers sweet on my tongue and I can't help but want for more...