Friday, October 23, 2015

What Scares Me About Writing?

what scares me about writing? #write31days

Fear is the greatest hurdle of any heart-pursuit. It can be debilitating. It can stop you in your tracks. It can reverse your direction and lead you to live a life void of passion. Sure, you may still find some form of contentment but you won't ever uncover the vibrant drive that feeds a soul to push harder/farther/deeper/stronger if you let it control your choices.

What scares me?

That I'm not good enough. That no matter my drive or desire or dedication or the enormous amount of content I produce I will somehow fall short of the mark. That this will all be for not. That I will be nothing more than a girl with a dream. That I will never wake up to its realization. That out of the millions of written voices trying to be heard I am nothing more than white noise beneath the loud and 'worthy' winners who shout loud enough to get paid.

What scares me?

That I am good enough. That someday I will stumble into the right person and suddenly my voice will be out there. That I will be held in the hands of strangers who have opinions that may hurt me. That I will be required to make public appearances, book signings, readings, speeches, CBC interviews. That I will have to be as eloquent with my mouth as I am with my thoughts. That I will be accountable to an actual paying audience who expects the best from me. That I will no longer be hidden in my safe little comfort zone. 

What scares me?

That I'll let my second fear inform my first. My dream is more important than my fear of what happens if I actually achieve it. I will cross that bridge if and when it comes - with gratitude - and I'll learn to face it with grace and dignity and eloquence! And I will remind myself that fear is a vicious beast who needs to taste my sword EVERY SINGLE DAY - and every single day I will rise to the fight. And though I may not win every fear-battle I will win the war by getting up and wielding my weapon again and again and again.

And if I never get there? If I never see the fruition? If it always remains just beyond my fingertips?

Then I vow that no one will ever be able to say I stopped reaching!

 http://selfbindingretrospect.alannarusnak.com/2015/09/challenge-accepted-write-31-days.html 
{click the image above to see all the #write31days posts}

8 comments :

  1. Brave post Alanna! Way to name those fears and face them! :)

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  2. Ahh, that fear is a mighty beast! Bravely forward - you're fantastic!

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    1. Fear is stupid. But it's real. Yes, cheers to moving bravely forward ;)

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  3. Fear is such a nasty little enemy. We battle it everyday. Here's to winning the war!

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  4. Be brave! Your bravery and pursuit is encouraging.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Michelle - it helps to build up a crew to carry you too :)

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