Monday, February 22, 2016

The Sexy Side of Worship

I sat in the side pew of a country church, watching him on the stage, his long hair falling over the frets of his guitar as he poured his heart into those strings with fevered passion and contagious grins.

I was a shy fourteen-year-old with frizzy bangs and little confidence.

He lit the room on fire with his spirited personality. I was invisible.

He was already a man, nineteen and fresh returned from touring Europe with his band—worldly and confident and passionate.

I was in ninth grade and uncomfortable in my own skin.


Two years later, he somehow ended up in my church basement, mingling with my youth group, toying with the idea of becoming a leader.

He was still that confident man I remembered from those moments long before but this time I was a sixteen-year-old who had begun to understand who I was and who I wanted to be. It wasn't long before we took the stage side by side, him on guitar and me singing harmonies while we led the youth group through a list of worship choruses.

It's no surprise that love soon followed.

Our relationship began on a worship stage and over the years we have had some truly beautiful musical experiences together.

It was a little over a year ago that I stepped down from worship leadership. There was a plethora of reasons but ultimately it was the pressure behind the role. Expectations were being put on me that I could not live up to and that was killing my spirit. I didn't lose my love for worship or music and over the past year there have been moments of painful lacking—I loved being a worship leader. I loved my team. I loved the creative outlet of building sets, and seeking out and learning new songs. I even loved the pressure of being in front of a room full of people, making it my mission to make them sing.

So yes, there has been a gap. And there has been very little opportunity for my husband and I to play music together—something we both value and feel ourselves deeply rooted in—no wonder when you hear of our beginnings.

When a longtime friend asked me to lead worship for a weekend retreat, I was flattered and thrilled. Then, when my husband agreed to come with me and play, I was like SWOON!

The responsibility of the music was released to me. I built a band of people I love playing with and together we had the most amazing time...well, I did anyway. {I can't speak for them but if they didn't, they were pretty awesome at faking it.}

As we took that stage through four different sessions, I could look to my left and catch a wink or a smile from my husband...watch his hair fall over the frets just like that first moment...hear his harmonies mingle with my melodies...

It was glorious.

On Saturday, during a stolen moment in our cabin, he tucked me against his chest and kissed my hair. "I'm glad I came with you," he said.

"Me too, it's sexy when we get to play together."

Worship is spiritual. It's about connection. It's turning your focus outwards and upwards. It's about giving thanks. It's celebratory and fun and creative.

And it's sexy.

Because sexy isn't about sensuality. It's about being comfortable with yourself. It's about being who you are meant to be. For me, being allowed an environment in which to embrace music, creativity, and a love of God is a true expression of who I am.

And being able to do that with the man I've chosen to spend my life with?

Yeah...sexy!

8 comments :

  1. It's so fun to play alongside you two. Your passion for the music is catching, and wonderful.

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  2. Its always a pleasure to play with you both. Let us not leave Heidi out because she is a spirited musician I also enjoy playing with. Great sounds with great friends.

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    1. It doesn't happen often enough. Cheers to more opportunities :)

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  3. Super sweet! It's so hard to find those moments in marriage. Kids. Work. Responsibilities. Blah! Glad you found one.

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    1. You're so right! We have to grab those moments whenever we can!! :)

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