It's strange. Watching the unfolding. This ending. Here, where your world has been reduced to these four walls. This is your happily ever after - her leaning over you, singing Jesus lullabies, wiping tears that shine like love. You grip her hand like forever and I have to move back because there's no reason it should be me to catch that final breath - that last piece of you that floats out into this dry air and paints us with your spirit.
Where does it come from? This will to fight? So hard that you won't even close your eyes. They shine glassy and sore and unseeing even in their openness. Don't you know that by closing them they will open on a new tomorrow...one that lays far beyond the reaches of these pale, uncompromising walls.
The weight of the love here is close to smothering. Has any man ever been given more? You're practically drowning in it, aren't you?
You're withered and white but I remember the sound of your laugh - so easy. A heart chuckle.
Half of my life has been lived with a Fred-space carved into my heart because you forced your way in there even before I decided that I would let myself love that boy of yours. And that me-space in yours...I know it's there...you take that with you...hang onto it...keep it safe...until we meet again.
So beautiful Alanna. It brought me to tears. Thinking of you lots. Xo
ReplyDelete