My Top Twitter Pet Peeves

by - February 7, 2016

Top ten twitter pet peeves
I adore Twitter. I think it's amazing fun and full of wonderful networking and marketing opportunities. It is an introverts social dream—connect with the world without having to 'say' a single word.  

Simply glorious!

It can be a place to test ideas, share content, build relationships, ask for help, offer encouragement, have a laugh, feel popular, join a community, get to know celebrities, meet agents, show your personality, be silly, spy on your friends, stalk your famous crushes {see pet peeve #10}...

Twitter is, in a nutshell, whatever you want it to be.

I use it primarily as a way connect with writers. The power of journeying along with other people who are going through the very same thing you are is encouraging and empowering.

But all good things come with their share of bad and there are days these little annoyances make me squirm in my seat and wonder if it's worth it...

A Count-Down of my Top Twitter Pet Peeves:

10. Johnny Depp does not have a twitter account. This is only a half-pet peeve. He's way too cool to be messing around on something as trivial as twitter and frankly, I'd probably lose some respect for him if I found him floating around, retweeting things about the weather in France.

9. You are not an egg. When you first set up a twitter account, the witty team behind the scenes gives you a little profile picture in the colour scheme of your choosing - an egg. But darling, eggs can't tweet! Birds tweet. You've got to hatch that baby and stick your pretty little face in its place. I want to know you—not the thing that's being kept warm under your dear mother's feathery bottom.

8. Fake followers. I went through a good month of new followers who I'm very sure were not 'real' followers. It began with one normal-seeming man who posted inspirational quotes and beautiful photography and I followed back because it all seemed very lovely and wholesome. This was followed by the 'followings' of SO MANY more people—different names, different profile pictures, both male and female, listing different locations, all sharing the exact same posts as the normal-seeming man. Which leads me to believe all were being managed by one not-so-normal person. To what end? I have no idea but this has happened again and again and IT'S TOTALLY WEIRD so don't do that!

7. Follow-back promises and demands. Don't do a <<Hey there @alannarusnak follow me #ifollowback>> Just don't. I mean, what are you using twitter for? Is it just for a number beside your name? Because if so...I give you a sad face on a silver platter. Life is more than numbers, my friend weird attention-seeking lonely person, and I promise you—if you reach out to me like that, I will promptly move on.

6. Twitter profiles with the sole purpose of selling followers. $5 for 500 new followers guaranteed! WHAT? WHY? If you have to buy followers then you're doing twitter wrong. A follower paid for is not a follower earned and will probably never engage with you so again I ask, what's the point?

5. Profiles without bios. I want to know you and with nothing more than your face and your name I can't really do that. Share your interests. Your bio is how I determine whether or not I'll follow you. Mine reads as follows {you can see it in the screenshot below left}: Writer, blogger, seeker of the extraordinary. Loving one man, three kids & an overweight cat who's kind of an idiot. Coffee shop writing like a boss #amwriting

It's not fancy but it tells anyone who cares to know what my interests are and they can easily determine whether or not we should become internet BFF's.

4. Creatives who aren't creative. Authors who post the same tweet over and over again just make me go UGH! Be fresh and inventive! I follow creatives because I want to watch their journey and I want to be inspired. There is no journey if you stay in one place. Yes, share that blog post ten times BUT do it differently every time. ALSO, share your own thoughts. If you're only retweeting other people, I am not interested. I'm following you for YOU! For goodness sake, show thyself!

3. Hashtag abuse. The hashtag is a brilliant tool. When it's used well. What really gets my goat is when people use a trending hashtag that has nothing to do with what they're posting. JUST STOP IT! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THE BRIGHT & SHINY THINGS!!! #rude

2. Romance covers. Okay. People love romance books. I get that. That's fine. What I don't get is the plethora of half naked men filling my twitter feed. EW! I need to say that one more time: EW! Perhaps I'm a prude but do man-nipples really sell books? Yeah...they probably do...but can we maybe take it down a notch? I understand that you want to promote your book and you're really excited about it—I'm excited for you—but why oh why oh why oh why???

1. Automated direct messages. Nothing is more bothersome than the HATED form letter message.

<<Hi there! Thanks so much for following. Come connect with me at my website where
you can buy my latest book 'Why Man-Nipples Makes Ladies Swoon' See you there!>> 
<<Hi new friend! I'm so happy to meet you! You look pretty today!!
Send me a link to your Facebook page and we can follow each other :) >> 

I understand the reasoning behind it but it's really SO annoying and impersonal...even if you're telling me how pretty I am...though I realize you're also sending that message to the 64-year-old trucker who's just looking for someone to talk to at the rest stop...

<<  >>

{I think if I just stumbled upon this post it would give me enough reason to steer far away from twitter but that is not my intention—it's seriously a lot of good fun!}

And now, I shall leave you with my personal Rules of Following:

I may follow you if
  1. you're a writer sharing your journey
  2. you're a literary agent or publishing house I'd like to flirt with
  3. you're my friend in real life
  4. you have a compelling bio
  5. you have a nice smile

I will not follow you if
  1. you're an egg
  2. you're unoriginal
  3. you're mean or rude
  4. you talk too much about sports or politics
  5. you share spoilers about shows I watch or book I want to read
  6. you're annoying
  7. you don't have a bio

See you on twitter, my sweet friends! #thatsnotmeaskingyoutofollowme  #johnnydeppismyboyfriend  #thisishashtagabuse #itsquitepossibleimovertiredandfeelingsilly

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  1. Love it! Especially the hashtags at the end. I have an admiration for creative hashtags. And now I have to check and see if I'm breaking any of your twitter rules. I don't want you to unfollow me.

    1. Ha! You're safe. You can fall into the 'friends in real life' category :)

  2. How did I miss this post? It's a perfect sum up of Twitter offences. The final hashtags are wonderful. I'm with Heidi, I love fun hashtags.

    1. Yeah...I may have had too much fun with that :)


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© Alanna Rusnak