My Five Year Plan

by - February 6, 2017

In June of 2013, I sat across from my boss and told him my five year plan. I wanted to write. Since I was a little girl learning to type on my father's snap-snap-snap-ding! typewriter, I knew I wanted to be a writer. I had stories in me. So, when my boss asked what I wanted to be doing in five years, I had to speak my truth.

By that point I'd been blogging a while. I felt like I had something to say. And I felt like people were actually listening. It was good. It was fun. But I longed for something bigger and deeper.

I wanted to write a book.

Because, for whatever reason, my head thought books were real writing.

That 2013 performance review set me on a path and I will be forever grateful for it {even though we all know performance reviews are THE WORST THING EVER!}. Saying out loud what I always held inside gave me the permission I needed to actually do something.

It took me a while. A lot of self-talk and fear-bashing before I saw any progress but now, here I am, closing in on four years from that pivotal moment, preparing for a book launch.


I mean, GAH!

The Church in the Wildwood is in its very final stage before going to press. It has been handed out to five trusted advance readers who are going through it, watching for spelling mistakes/misplaced commas/layout issues/etc. The end {beginning?} is near.

It's helpful to have that 2013 day to look back on, to be able to say: I'm doing what I set out to do. There's something powerful about that and it has birthed this strange urgency within me to keep going, to keep pushing, to never stop. Because now I've realized it's actually possible. I can make a go of it. Maybe I can't afford to quit my day job just yet, but the hint of its possibility hangs on the air like the promise of spring.

Stepping out in boldness makes you brave. Yes, perhaps your knees knock at every crossroads but that's part of the joy of the journey—the thrill of the chase. Fear keeps me humble and spurs me onward. It's a beautiful motivator once you realize those monsters in the closet are only shadows. The only harm to be done is in stopping—that's when shadows really can swallow you down.

So I don't stop. I move forward. I dig deeper into other projects. I start a magazine. I chase dreams. I book a launch venue. I surround myself with other writers/poets/artists. I discover a deep passion I have for championing the creative journeys of strangers {stay tuned for what that's going to look like - I'm SO excited about it!}.

I have about a year and a half until I ring that five year bell. I'm happy to know that no matter what's ahead of me, I won't be facing it empty-handed.

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© Alanna Rusnak